I don't know if it's the rainy day outside or just who I am that makes this so heart-breaking for me:
My grandma's birthday is next week. She will turn 93 and a fitting way to honor everything she's seen and done is truly a challenge for me. It' difficult to come up with something that she will use and won't return to the giver (most cases it's stamps, stationary or a Walmart gift card). Last Saturday it occurred to me that if me and my cousins (who chose to) all chipped in towards a new TV for Grandma, it would truly be something she would use everyday and wouldn't buy for herself. Her TV finally got too difficult to work with the box and things so my mom took her TV from the camper over as a solution. My thoughts were also that if even a handful of us "cousins" pitched in, it wouldn't cost too much. I found a great deal at Walmart ~ a 19" Vizio for $188! I didn't know what the respond would be, so I didn't start looking at TVs until yesterday and was pleased that this would only be 1" smaller than what she had and with it being a flat screen, it can be turned so she can see it much better. I was floating on air and ready to get the TV when I received a gut wrenching blow ~ apparently, I hadn't considered the one thing that was on the minds of those who I invited to help with Grandma's gift ~ who gets it when she dies.
I will let you process that one for a bit. . .
I have to admit, I went through some stages here:
1. Speechlessness ~ this is not something that ever entered my mind
2. Childishness ~ I wanted to reply with WTF?
3. Anger ~ how dare this be cheapened by determining who gets the TV?
4. Extreme sadness ~ I am crying now as I type this, feeling pain for Grandma, hoping my boys' children don't get me anything when I get old, if their thoughts are "I need to make sure I get this back when she dies"
One last thing ~ I don't want to even do this project anymore because it's quite honestly been ruined for me. . . Nor, do I want anything to do with the contents of Grandma's house when she dies. I will just pray that she rests in peace ~ WHEN THE TIME COMES!
Banana Split Pudding Cups
2 months ago
Lisa, If I were your grandma I would donate everything I own to charity in my will. My grandma is a treasure and the only thing I want from her is one more day. Don't give up on your idea. Let it be your joy. Shame on your family!!!!! My only hope is that someday they get the same treatment.
ReplyDeleteHey Lisa!
ReplyDeleteHow sad to see your thoughtfulness crushed by such a senseless and frustrating question. It truly is frustrating and very sad. When my Grandma passed away 10+ years ago my Mom's family (mostly her sisters :( ) ended up in this big fight over who got what. It was horrible. My Mom came home in tears because of the selfishness and rudeness of her sisters and it still upsets me today to think of it. Unfortunately that's just the mentality of my Mom's family in general. The siblings have been fighting/not speaking to each other more times than I can count since I can remember. I pray that's not going to be the case for your family.
I agree with 'Anonymous'...don't let your cousins steal your joy in the giving and thoughtfulness of your gift. Just choose not to partake in the whole 'who gets it' discussion. Enjoy the BLESSING of your Grandma each and every moment you have with her and know that she will appreciate the thoughtfulness that was put into getting her gift.
I hope Bray is doing better today. I have been thinking of you guys continuously. Take care of yourself too.
Now I am being told I misunderstood, but tell me this, how could this be misunderstood?
ReplyDeleteQuote #1
"I would be happy to go in but do want to ask the question on where the TV goes when Grandma is no longer watching it and we have all invested the funds."
Quote #2
"Okay, I have a simple suggestion as to what happens to the tv after the fact (hopefully it won't come down to this for many, many years). What about whoever puts money towards the tv gets put in a drawing, that way whoever wins the tv is completely random and we don't have to worry about the money issue?"
Quote #3
"I didn't think this ever took the tone of someone wanting something after grandma passes. No one mentioned that." (um, yeah, ya did!)
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI am learning that more and more people think about "self" as they live life. They focus on material things and what THEY can get. People just seem to want to push their way to the top and they don't care who gets hurt in the process. It's all about ME in our world.
Have people forgotten what a gift is?? A gift is something you give without wanting ANYTHING in return. If you are expecting something back...it's not a gift. It's a loan. Family should not be run like a business. You love without limits (and give without limits)...even to the selfish ones. You cannot change your family...only God can do that. Don't let their problems get you down. Just hold onto your own integrity and teach your boys to do the same. (Then...when you are a Grandma...you can receive their gifts knowing that they were given from the heart!)
It's selfishness to the core that your cousins displayed. You would think that they would be very embarrassed to have behaved that way. Instead...it just sounds like you got an excuse.
Give Grandma your gift from the heart and both of you will be blessed for doing the right thing!
Jenny (Monica's friend)